i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
