I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
