We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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