i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I woke up under a house in Key West
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
