This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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