you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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