Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
