No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
