i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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