Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
