She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
