If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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