Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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