Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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