hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
