im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize