return my video game
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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