Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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