She is in my trunk
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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