I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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