his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
