escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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