thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
