I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
