You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
