turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
