You just made me feel so damn special
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
