is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize