What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize