Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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