Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
