She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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