in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
