i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
