i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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