Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
