thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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