Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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