His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize