I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
