Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
