Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
