Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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