Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
