Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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