White coat. Heels.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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