I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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