I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize