lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
