he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
