Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
