i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
