im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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