Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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