there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
