I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
