somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize