not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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