i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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