how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
