and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
