ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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