Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
