I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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