I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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