there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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