before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
