The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
