Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
