I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
