Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
