Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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