Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
