just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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