don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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