LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
