I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Sober January is a disaster.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
