dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
YAS. BRING CRAB.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
