Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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