Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
