What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize