i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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