I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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