2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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