So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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