those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
