At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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