Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
