I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
