So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
