Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
