I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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