Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I understand Curling. That high.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
