24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
