Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
