Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize