How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
