Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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